In my attempt to honest and true with ourselves we cancelled our holiday away this week.
Though there was nothing to really officially cancel as we had both been putting off actually booking anything on Sunday evening we actually verbally cancelled the idea of time away this week. It felt sad but a relief at the same time. Hubby had a week booked off and we had planned a week in the New Forest, then a few days, then an overnight stay at the coast instead... but the reality is right now we don't have the money to flutter on a few days away and we simply do not have the time. September lived up to what I had hoped would be my busiest month to date with the business, fully booked for the whole month. Just running the business had taken my whole focus and energy - well the focus and energy I section off for business that is, I try very hard to not allow it to escape this boundary and steal much more valuable energy stored up for my children and family!
Just like with any new job or career change having a trial week to check its what you really want to do is always a good idea. So instead, this week we renamed a holiday at home and looked at it our trial week at what life would really be like if all our wishes come true and my husband begins working for our family business. It wouldn't be an unrealistic, frivolous with money as its our holiday, fantastic fun packed things every day type week...just a normal week. We had some decorating to do, some mundane jobs like sorting out our stock room, utility room, tool store and kitchen store room (aka the two massive sheds in our garden) and then just stuff that needs doing.
Its now Saturday and I think it went ok. There were a few reality kicks along the way. Like even with two adults its still impossible to leave the house on schedule, with everything we were meant to take. And then just the truth of time, that it goes fast whether you are using it wisely or not. There were also a few reassuring moments along the way too though like when I realised that it wasn't just me my kids don't like getting dressed for..its anyone...nan, dad, grandma..whoever! And also that its just hard work being fresh fun and kind with two very spirited children all day. Watching my gentle, calm husband look like he might burst as my daughter declared an unexpected outpouring of tearful tiredness and anger was obviously not great but was somehow reassuring. A 'so sometimes it is just hard. Its not me that finds it hard' kind of moment.
BUT on the total plus we had a nice chilled real week together. We did decorate the hall and stairs, and yes did the most boring and dullest of jobs ever...carpet shop (shop might be a bit of a strong term for walking into a carpet shop, asking a sales bod what he thought was the best carpet for stairs, nodding our heads before paying and leaving!), but we also went to a fab monthly home ed group together that I never get to go to normally because its too far away, we went to the beach (briefly...wow it was windy) and Sandringham woods for a picnic tea, we hung out, went to the library, to the soft play and had lazy mornings, with slow starts and big breakfasts. We had an evening out together (evening being 4.30-7.30pm for us) where we went...wait for it..shopping. New shoes, shirts and socks for hubby (not as easy as it sounds), a mooch around the clothes shops to reaffirm just how out of touch with the world we are, and a mooch around the john lewis home department (mmmmmm) before having a quick supper at Pizza Express (we attempted to eat in ASK but the horrible music forced us to leave before we were seated) in fact, it was practically a date!
We had some nice surprises thanks to the lovely law of attraction enjoying finding our peace - the carpet cost half what we had been quoted, we were gifted two free tickets & a voucher to Legoland for October which thanks to the carpet price we can now afford to go to for two nights and we continued our busy streak at work with yet more bookings leading us into what looks like an equally busy October. I manifested a final birth 1:1 workshop booking before my licence expires and a doula enquiry from a lovely sounding family! Good good.
I don't 'think' its put hubby off. I think its made us both realise that him being here with us isn't going to necessarily make everything easier, just different. It was real I guess. It has re-energised me into striving towards the goal again too, I'll settle for not easier but together anyday.