Crafting with kids - the reality

I've read blog posts, liked images on Instagram and admired art on friends walls..all creations lovingly made together with their children.
I think it's amazing and am quite envious of this. Being talentless in this field myself and not heavily blessed with patience doesn't make for many canvas's hanging on my walls. Still. I have always wanted to provide my children with the opportunities I lacked. Apart from limited exposure at school, sessions I always enjoyed but that were always too short, too rare and too limited, I didn't really get the chance to explore creating.
One of the difficult realities I've had to face up to though is that it's not ever going to be a happy crafting together kinda home here. I don't know if its my own attitude or the three different personalities - I think it's more likely just that its not as easy as all that for anyone. That the end product is shown but that maybe the tears, the argument about the red pen and the sheer mess vs the fun had been omitted from the story.
Well. Just to set the record straight, to add some balance to the blogging crafty family world out there and to reassure those of you who like me...am left wondering if its just my family that can't craft and create peacefully here's a quick example of a recent endeavour the dude enjoyed with the kids one sunny afternoon under the shade of our horse chestnut tree last week.

Needless to say it didn't end well.

Steiner, Star Wars and Unschooling.

We love Star Wars in our house.

The grown ups have always loved it. Since The Dude and I met, we've often spent an afternoon watching either A New Hope or Empire Strikes Back, depending on who got to choose. When I was a child I used to watch it in the early mornings when I woke and had the run of the downstairs to entertain myself til everyone was up. Since then I'd say I've probably watched it at least an average of once every other month of my life. It never bores me. I still praise my favourite ever scene of every movie ever made each time it's on ( the scene with Darth Vader, Grand Moff Tarkin and the Death Star dude whose lack of faith Darth Vader finds disturbing!).
As you can imagine we have a fair bit of Star Wars merch kicking around the house. Newt had often mentioned watching it but accepted she was too young, happy enough to wait. Then the Dudes parents cleared out their loft. Suddenly box loads of figures and replica space craft from a 70's childhood arrived. That was it. Newt was hooked. We agreed in the end to watching it together with her understanding some of the bits we may have to skip through.
When we all sat down for that landmark first viewing the Mancub was asleep. But as soon as that opening music began he woke up, his eyes glued to the screen, and that was it - he was rooted to the spot. Barely blinking, rarely moving. He loved it. The space ships, the robots all of it.
That was three months ago.
I have to admit, even as a hardened fan this is not what I had in mind for my near three year old boy. Though we don't regulate or put pressure on our children's screen time I had not planned on them regularly watching Star Wars at this age, if at all really. Lets just say its not very Steiner.
But the Unschooling souls in us has found a way to help it enrich our life together. For one we all share it. Unlike some dreadful Disney that we can't bear to watch we all enjoy watching this together, even now on its hundredth millionth viewing.
I quite like the role model of Princess Leia over The Disney Princesses. Yes she is rescued but she also leads the rebel alliance and is generally pretty god damn cool (though we don't talk about the Return of the Jedi Leia much...a little less tough and a bit more needy as each film goes on!).
One afternoon last month Newt disappeared upstairs on her own for half an hour and when she came back she had copied out her favourite characters into her art book. All by herself. Using her lovely Stockmar beeswax crayons of course.

(Here's R2-D2 and Darth Maul)

For the Mancub it's the ships. He loves them. His interest in planes and rockets has been boosted beyond what we ever thought possible for an under three. Everything flies. His first words muttered under his breath whilst his eyes are still closed but his mind awake are 3,2,1 boom. This is no cartoon or fake image of space ships. They are to him real space fighters, zooming around asteroids and moons (no wait, 'that's no moon'!).

This is Darth Vader (well a Tapir dressed up as Darth Vader) - Newt's favourite character

We've also found it has served as an amazing way to introduce so many concepts and information about the world. Desert, space, swamps, tundra. Personalities, agendas and attitudes. It's a surprise how much of life's teachings can be brought into your home through a set of classic old movies. The Jedi lessons are as valid to children (and grown ups) as they are to young Luke.

So to end my ramble about making the most of every opportunity and sharing passions here's a classic Yoda quote.

Creative, artistic or just messy?

My daughter Newt is seriously unique. One of our good friends always says to her 'you have your own style'! And other friends all love her special way with words, clothes and imagination. Being talentless in the artistic department myself I love seeing her be such a creative sole from the outset. It's just her. She's not perfect at art, or crafts or writing etc. but her very being is art. I've had a few people aliken her to Tracey Emnin. Although I'm not quite sure how comfortable with that comparison I am I still totally get what they mean. My mum says she's a Helena (Bonam Carter) with her wild hair, individual style and animated dramatic storytelling! Unrestrained she's sensual in her discovery of the textures and tastes of the world..at five years old exploring surfaces by licking them (yes, I know, this can be a bit gross!), or touching and feeling everything is her way of discovering an objects mass and her relation to it.

But the big thing about living with a young life artist is....the mess. There has never been a boundary for the creation, our walls have been treated as canvas's, her body decorated with ink and paint, her dinner plate emptied and the contents rearranged in a pattern. There's no staying in the lines...what lines?

We've accepted her way. We don't hassle or get on her case. There's the occasional push and pull as we balance needs between her need to just empty an entire drawer to get a pair of socks, and my need to not be putting all her clothes away a few times a day! But aside from that we've tried not to suppress or restrain her urges. Perhaps without the need to rebel and break out of herself will they just fade away? Or will she just grow up satisfied and herself? I'm going to savour my Front row seat in watching and finding out and maintain my private promise I've made to always protect her from those who want to whitewash, or contain her. I get the feeling though she won't need me to do this for long though...

What little girls are made of...

I didn't go to any extremes raising my daughter. Though we told people that she was a girl (unlike one family in Europe recently who withheld this information from family and friends) I was careful not to assume pink, girly was immediately her thing. From birth her room with her things in was bright green and jungle themed. There were monkeys and parrots rather than bunnies and bears. She had pyjamas with planets and rockets on, she always got muddy at every opportunity and used to let herself in and out of the garden via the catflap (good for keeping us all on our toes). Despite having white blonde ringlets I always viewed this more as a Darwinian trait so as to help me spot her as she disappeared into bushes and through holes in the fence more easily, not as angelic, dolly material. For about two years she never allowed us to brush it. That was ok with us, after all it is her hair as I pointed out to anyone who felt the need to comment. I never corrected others but through gentle example tried to encourage questions about books she liked and avoid good girl/pretty hair blah blah type comments aimed at her (not to or with her). She adopted a baby doll that had belonged to my niece, but rather randomly named him Luke. Luke did come places with us and got introduced to everyone who cared enough to glance in her direction at festivals, beaches and campsites. That was it for dolls though really.
Now at five the always 'too much', passionate and extreme loving side of her personality has directed its attention to pinkness. Any merch with Hello Kitty is an object of need and desire. At first I thought this was largely fuelled by some base need to fit in with other girls that she had become friends with. If she liked it herself that would be cool for me but I was worried it was only because of she felt on some level it was what she was supposed to like. But the Radical Unschooler in me cannot judge or control this. I can guide and support but not lead or judge. It wouldn't be fair and wouldn't feel right to me. Instead I have just enjoyed her enjoying. This is the result....
A hideously over the top pink frilly giant cat! It even has purple eyeliner on ha! But hey, who cares? Check out the smile behind that polyester pink cuddly!

 

On a similar note it turns out pretty much since about five months old the Mancub is obsessed with balls, any kind but especially anything resembling the colours and print of a football. As for trains, rockets or planes.....excited is an understatement. The throwing himself around, launching toys like missiles and general roughness is far more intense too than it was with Newt. She was always precise, testing herself in her efforts, pushing herself that bit further, pleasure thrill seeking and life loving. He just lobs himself off the arm of the sofa and hits the floor. Distinctly different.

Its all quite fascinating for me really. As a behaviourist by education it just further backs up my belief that the sexes really are different. And they should be. They had different purposes genetically. Not better or worse. Not inferior just wildly different switches that flick. Surely as long as we accept individuality as well as accepting natural differences its ok to not get too bogged down in you can't have that as its too pink, you must have a doll and pram even though your a boy etc? Hmmmm. And whilst we are discussing gender differences has anyone else noticed that men more often than women seem to pull out all the tea and coffee canisters etc when making hot drinks rather than taking the cup to the can? Is it just me that has noticed this?!! Am I stereotyping myself now?

Time to look back on 2012's goddess workbook

The first year I bought the Goddess Guidebook was in 2010. I didn't complete much of it, I loved reading it, looking at it and thinking about it but was weirdly precious about actually writing in it! Keeping it all shiny and organised but effectively empty.
I found this quite striking when it came to starting to complete the next years one, 2012. In essence it illustrated a lot of what wasn't right for me. Saving stuff for the right time, waiting for the optimal conditions and perfect moment.

So last year I approached it differently. I found two friends who had also Joined the Goddess Circle the year before and we arranged a day that we would meet up, each month for the rest of the year and called it our goddess gathering. We started by meeting and talking about what we had completed so far , drew oracle cards for the year together and started a group chat between the three of us on 'What's app' where we showed our pictures, discussed entries and ideas.
A year later and we have met up about half of the times we planned....not bad for three busy mamas! One of us helped the other two complete a goal for the year when we created a piece of art together and generally we have shared, supported and stayed connected.

 

At the end of this year I have decided to continue with my membership and have begun my workbook for next year and one of us have moved to a different online tribe, with Tara Wagner, the other has found the peace she searched for and left all of the online communities, sold the possessions no longer holding their weight in her new balanced life (mostly to me hehe!) and moved on though, it goes without saying our virtual private circle on 'What's app' has stayed strong and we stay in touch daily, usually off and on for most of it. I like to think of it as our virtual garden fence.

Nowhere in my guidebook for last year did I list 'create a strong supportive friendship with two wonderful women' but if I had it would definitely have been ticked off! It has shown me the importance of having deep connections with a few select people and looking back over the year I can see how positively that has influenced me. Looking ahead a strong theme of this years book is already coming through and that is less is more. Less people in my life but all meaning more. I want to put more energy into less things. My husband and children, our home and daily life together, my fantastic mum and sisters, then the select but strong little group of friends that are growing around us.