Hand wash cold

I've tried hard to find pleasure in the daily tasks of keeping a home. I've read Karen Maezen Miller 'Hand wash cold' in the hope that this would inspire me somehow. I signed up to the Flylady daily blinks which have tips for keeping on top of your house. I did the Goddess Haven E-course on the Goddess Circle & had a nice corner in a room for a short while that I could focus on and enjoy (it didn't last long sadly).
Still not there though.
I quite enjoy it when it's not essential, when I'm doing it because I have time and I want to. Such as hanging out the washing. I've loved that since I first started doing my own washing. Early in the morning before there is anyone else around I have a quiet, peaceful five minutes where I contemplate nothing but the folds in the sheets and the positioning of the pegs on the line. This little job brings about exactly the mood and tranquil, accepting state Karen describes. From my poorly designed little old terrace the washing blowing in the breeze is one of the few things to glimpse in the garden whilst sat inside. Not satisfied with enjoying hanging it out often I then watch it as it sways and ripples in the sun and constant gentle fen winds. Now I just need to find a way of the hoovering, washing up, cleaning of tables and scrubbing of sinks to bring about the same peaceful, zen like state.
I've kind of accepted that I won't get that vibe going though until the children are older. When the tasks seem a little less on a loop, when the sheer mess made by their existence just pauses for breath occasionally! We're still at the phase where by the time I've wiped a worktop there's a spillage on a floor to mop. I know older children hold their own on the adding to mess front but surely it's not quite the same porridge on a chair cushion, crayon on a mirror and toilet roll shredded around the house? Please tell me that's not forever?

Still. I try not to moan and do my best at looking dutiful and neutral as I go. Hopefully the children will accept it all as part of being part of our household and like me, mutter under their breath as they scrub 'think zen think zen'.

Countdown has begun

Each of my pregnancies I have enjoyed waking at around 3am for a good hour or so. It would appear that this one is no different. It's hard to be frustrated at the sheer genius of my inner animal though. Preparing me so well for the coming months where this solitary time will become a shared hour of feeding and soothing.

As always at this hour baby is wriggling, turning and kicking. Who knows who started the rhythm of waking now, was it them waking me or me waking them.....I like to think that we wake together. Already deeply in sync. 

As I try to think of a way to use this hour or so of half awakened consciousness my memories drift back to the beautiful birth of my son. It was at this time that things started to become more serious, harder to ignore. I could no longer cat nap through the rhythmic contractions stretching my body and I headed on downstairs to try some new positions to rest in on the sofa whilst listening to some waves and other soothing sounds. 

I wonder if it will be so peaceful and purposeful this time. So gently guided by an inward intuition of what we both needed to do. 

I hope so. It is such an amazing thing to reflect on whenever I doubt my body's strength, or my own power as a woman. 

Whatever happens it won't take anything away from the wonderful night, and the memories of him arriving into my arms, bathed in the early morning sunshine. 

Perhaps this is the best way to use this hour of quiet awareness. This is my mental yoga, my emotional breathing techniques to practice. 

Finally I am welcoming a few yawns and the return of heavy eyelids. In the future world of my dawn time feeds baby must be ready to go back to sleep now and it must be my time to snuggle down and join them. Sweet dreams world x